The other week I walked into Saxon's Diamond Centers and gave them a chain. I asked them to undo the knot. Minutes later, they were back with the knot gone.
The hours that went into trying to undo that knot… Pins, olive oil, YouTube, nothing doing. The jeweler spreads a square of dark velvet, lays the knot down, and, without force, begins to tease the threads apart. One loop, then another. He doesn’t yank. He listens to the chain. Minutes later, it lies smooth and shining, like it was never tangled.
That is Kol Nidrei, the prayer that starts off Yom Kippur, which all Jews celebrate tomorrow night. We bring in a year’s worth of knots (promises, never agains, from now on) and Kol Nidrei lays everything on velvet. It doesn’t rip; it releases. It’s the art of loosening what shouldn’t bind so we can re-tie what should.
A word of clarity: Kol Nidrei addresses promises between us and G-d (our personal vows). It doesn’t cancel debts to people or let us wiggle out of responsibility. If anything, it restores us so our word can be trustworthy again. This isn’t a loophole, it’s a life-line.
Let me give you three short meditations for Kol Nidrei, wherever you spend your services.
Meditation 1 Unsubscribe
A teacher once asked a class to write three “I am” statements they repeat in their heads.
The list was brutal
I am bad at prayer.
I am not a morning person.
I am the one who always messes up.
These are labels and lies disguised as facts. When labeling ourselves, we are signing a contract without reading the terms. Then we wonder why our soul can’t move. Kol Nidrei says: Unsubscribe. Those “I am’s” are not you.
Meditation 2 Covenant not Contracts
A contract is about performance: I do X, you do Y. A covenant is about presence: I am with you even when X and Y are hard. Many of our inner commitments (vows) are contracts we made saying:
“If I control everything, I’ll be safe.”
“If I please everyone, I’ll be loved.”
Those contracts keep charging our card and the product is never delivered.
Kol Nidrei cancels counterfeit contracts so we can renew the covenant with Hashem, with our people, and most importantly with our own soul. Not “I promise to be perfect,” but “I promise to be present.” That’s holier (and harder).
Meditation 3 We not I
The story is told about the sainted Rav Aryeh Levin of Jerusalem, who once went to the doctor with his wife because her leg was in pain. When the doctor called the couple into his office and asked what was wrong, Rav Levin responded that “our leg hurts.” Only after further questioning did the doctor understand that it was Rabbi Levin’s wife’s leg that was the problem. Rav Levin was not trying to be cute; rather, his life was so intertwined with that of his wife, and he cared for her so deeply, that he actually felt her pain.
When one part aches, we all come limping.
Notice the wording of Kol Nidrei. It’s not I, the individual. It’s we standing together, loosening knots together. Shame isolates; holiness gathers. If you’re tangled, please know that you don’t have to untie it alone. On kol nidrei night, we borrow each other and together we annul our vows, our collective and personal vows. “We” can do together what “I” cannot do alone.
Wishing everyone an easy fast and to be signed and sealed for a good and sweet year.
Rabbi Kushi Schusterman