You know that feeling you get when a parent uses your Full Name followed by, we need to talk? The angst of what did I do??
It happened to me. My father had called me over and said, “I'd like to learn a piece of the code of Jewish law with you”. Opening to a very short halacha/law, he read with me “כל האומר דבר לחבירו הוא בבל יאמר עד שיאמר לו לך אמור” (Shulchan Arukh HaRav, Orach Chayim 156). This means “Whatever someone says to their friend is under the rule of “don’t repeat”, unless they are told explicitly that it is ok to repeat it.
Having overheard me sharing another’s private information, my father was teaching me that as Jewish people we need to be modest; by default, everything is private. Living modestly is living an internal private principled world.
Learning this week’s Torah portion, we learn how Rochel, seeing her sister Leah being led to the Chuppah to marry Yaakov, her intended husband, shared with her that which Yaakov had privately taught her.
I wondered how it could be that our matriarch Rochel would not follow a seemingly simple law. Rochel, who of our matriarchs, was the most in tune with her internal identity. She did what she needed to do without fanfare, and often at a high personal cost. She lived a life true to herself. How can we say that she went against her values here?
Yaakov, aware of who Lavan was and the possibility of being tricked, made a sign with Rochel. He taught her about the 3 mitzvos Jewish women are careful about. To confirm that it was indeed Rochel under the chuppah, she would have to name them to him: Shabbat Candles, Family Purity, and Challah.
Rochel realized that if Leah doesn’t know the answer when Yaakov asks her ‘the secret question’ then “My sister will be put to shame. So, she readily transmitted those signs to her.”
She did this because she was modest and true to her values of not allowing another person to be degraded.
My prayer for all of us is that we too should be modest and true to ourselves and our soul identity. We should be able to be true to our Jewish values and merit to the coming of Moshiach when the world will see true and complete peace.
Have a good Shabbos,
Rabbi Kushi Schusterman