Be brutally honest with me!
Honesty is a must, but it does not need to be brutal.
I once met a local couple and they asked me for the Jewish view on a subject that was personally sensitive for them. My gut was telling me that they wanted a specific view which is not the Jewish view. Trained to answer the person and not the question, I gave them a vague answer. They pushed back saying they wanted the truth, for me to be direct and honest with them. I responded that I was afraid they’d get angry with me and never talk to me again.
They insisted on hearing the truth.
And they have not spoken to me since (yet).
Truth is a funny thing. We know we need it, yet it makes us uncomfortable. In order to grow, we need to be willing to be uncomfortable. If we are honest, we sometimes prefer comfort to growth.
We find healthy truth later in the Torah portion, when Pinchas stands up to and eventually kills Zimri. It is Pinchas who does this as Moshe and Elazar the High Priest couldn’t as they were married to Midianite relatives and were bias. Pinchas, on the other hand, was able to stand up for the truth. Moses and Elazar needed to be honest about their biases and allow Pinchas, the junior guy, to be the hero of the day.
I know at times I choose comfort over truth, but I hope that more often than not, I choose growth and truth over comfortability.
What do you choose? Be honest but not brutal.
Have a great Shabbos,
Rabbi Kushi Schusterman
Be brutally honest